Bangalore Expresso

My Child & I

We had a super Summer and our little family is now back on track with the school year commencing!

This post has been in the making for quite awhile. Quite a few friends asked recently  "So What's New(s) with the Boys", thought I should go ahead and publish this right away!


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The boys take a van to-fro school. Once, I wait outside after-school.

Second-born (Seeing me at the school gate) : " Have you also joined the school?"

Mom:  "Nope!  I am here to see your class teacher. You want to come along to see her?"

Second-born : "Why? I saw her all day - So, you go and see her!"


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First-born after finishing his school-work heads out to play while Second-Born & Mom are still revising Grammar lessons.

Mom: " Make sentences with these pronouns; First one- He..."

Secondborn: " He went out!"

Mom: "  I..."

Secondborn: "I want to play!!"

Mom: " You..."

Secondborn: " You are Bad!!!"

Mom (hiding smile) : " Let us stop"

Second-born  (frustrated): "  We are now doing identify the pronoun? Ok,  its US!"

Mom: " And we are Done!"

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Family is watching a movie , where the Hero plays double roles.

During a duet song sequence shot at a hill station, Second-born suddenly asks "How did he get a girl-friend?"

While Mom & Dad are preparing whether to answer it to context or joke it off, 
First-born (serious tone): "Hey, its the duplicate Hero, da! "

Second-born (declares) : " Appa, you should find a duplicate of me who can write tests at school while I can go swimming!"

Dad (couldn't keep quiet) : " Swimming? You don't want to go to cool places like the Hero in the song?"

Second-born  (shocked) : " Yuck,  And dance with girls? No Appa No!"


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Family is enjoying hot bajjis one rainy afternoon.

Dad (showing a bajji) : " What's the vegetable inside this one- shape looks like the stalk of a cauliflower"

Mom : "Actually its bread!"

First-born (declares) : " Dont't judge a bajji with its shape - Dig in!"

Second-born (patronizing) : " Its Ok, Appa! You now go chat with Amma"


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Its 8pm and Dad who usually is home by 7ish is yet to get home.

First-born (concerned voice): " Amma, where is Appa?"

Mom : "Should be on his way home, stuck in traffic I suppose? Let's try ringing him"

Second-born (Already on the phone - Demands) : " Hello Appa! Where are you and when will you get here?"


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 While playing Uno,  Mom was really truly losing to Second-born.

Second-born who wants Mom to continue playing (understanding tone)" I know its hard to keep losing, but you should try until you win. How about I deal the cards so you get 6 and I get 8? But you should do your best, OK?"


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First-born accompanies Mom to borrow a kitchen gadget from a friend. Friend says she does not have it.

First-born : "Could you please recheck thoroughly (For my Tamil friends: "Konjam Nalla Paarunga).
I remember borrowing it from you before. Maybe its on the top shelf ? I could help you reach it if you want"

(We had actually borrowed it a few months ago and recently the friend disposed it. Our man delighted about his recent growth spurt, couldn't help but showing off)


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At the movie theater, and dad has smuggled a chakli in the water bottle bag, but cuaght red handed and asked to collect after the show.

Firstborn (truthfulness personified): " This is why I stow my chocolate-bar in my pocket. But of course, chakli will poke"



That rounds it off folks! Looking forward to sharing more funny snippets of my fast-growing boys again!

My Child & I

Here's some of recent quips of the boys

1) Family having dinner at a Fine Dining place.

Firstborn : "Amma, instead of a 'surprise party' for my birthday could you bring me here again as a surprise?"


2) Mom's brother and SIL welcomed a baby girl.

Mom (excitedly): " Uncle C had a baby girl!!!"

Secondborn (matter-of-fact voice) : "  Uncle C had the baby? I thought Aunt D was the one who had the baby tummy?"

Mom: " You're right! The baby came out of Aunty's tummy"

Firstborn: " Do they get to choose whether it's a boy or girl before the baby comes out?"

Secondborn: " How can you choose? There's only one button to press- The belly button!"



3) Firstborn sneezes like 10 times in a row one night. Next morning:
 
Mom : " Yours cold is back- drink warm water. You were sneezing so loud that you woke me up and the girl next door"

Secondborn (helping) : " And the boys on the road"

My Child & I

2 out of 4 members of the family are watching TV and the other 2 are playing board game.

Secondborn (suddenly looks up to TV from his game, and exclaims) : "Why is Nila's dad dancing with some girl? And he thinks the beard will hide his real face?"

Well, the actor who is being dissected did play dad to a young girl Nila in a movie .
And has now been caught red-handed by our lil' guy while dancing in another movie, with newly grown facial hair and that too with a pretty lady- How dare he!?!

My Child & I

Pretty Valid  Reasoning, I should say!


1) Watching an old Classic on television.

Firstborn: " So sad Amma, those days the whole world had no colour at all is it; And that's why the picture is also Black and White!"

Secondborn : " Not just Black and White, also Grey! Hey, but what about the rainbow?"


2) After many-a filtering the boys now have just one kids channel to watch on TV.

Secondborn: " Appa, you have many channels so you can watch little of each. I have only one channel , so can I watch more of that one, please?"


3) Secondborn wants no help to take a bath, when questioned why.

Secondborn: " You take bath and I don't come and see you, so why should I let you see me?"


4) Second born (peers at a photo in the newspaper, and exclaims):" Hey, I have seen this boy; He lives in the Sachin house!"

To clear the air, the boy in the pic was a neighbor's son and Sachin is the German Shepard in their house.


5)  Mom (calling to locate the boys around the house): " Hey! Where are you?"

Secondborn: " I am here!"

Mom: " Here means where?"

Secondborn: " Here is where I am!"

Mom (still searching): " OK, What are you doing?"

Firstborn : " Right now, we are shouting back at you!"

My Child & I

Secondborn and Mom are hooked watching the Masterchef  Australia shows.

One afternoon, our lil' guy had missed an episode due to a play date.

Secondborn: " So, who won this round - Emma or Lynton?"

Mom : " The Girl did!"

Secondborn: " She's not a girl, she's OLD, you see the white hair?"

Emma (all of 32) is not Old just Blonde!

My Child & I

Dinnertime!

Secondborn notices Dad  helping himself to some Idli-dhal powder a.k.a gun powder.

Secondborn: " I want that too!"

Dad: " It would be too spicy for you"

Secondborn: " It's OK, I eat spicy, give me"

Is served a bit of the powder, tastes it and we can see his eyes watering.

Secondborn (with his pride intact) : " I actually forgot to finish-up my school waterbottle, let me drink it up now!"

Pride or Pow(d)er!

My Child & I

Family chatting away one lazy afternoon.

Secondborn: " Appa, what is your work?"

Dad: " There are these big TVs right?  I make chips for those TVs"

Secondborn: "You make the TV eat chips? That's what makes TV bad -  Junk food!"

Firstborn: " Wow! you get a salary to watch TV all day?"

Dad: ?!

Secondborn: " I know Amma's work"

Mom: (Beams to hear)

Secondborn: "She goes shopping!"

Mom: ?!?!





Firstborn: " Appa, my friend's family has a new car, can we get one also?"

Dad: " But, we already have a car. Why a new car?"

Firstborn: " But this car is small. What if we have to seat second born,  you- Amma, grandpa-grandma when they visit , me and my WIFE!"

Dad (surprised): " Wife?"

Firstborn: " Yes, if I get married I will have a wife, right?"

Dad (curious): "But, why get married?"  

Firstborn: "So, there will be someone like Amma for me also. Like to tell me directions when I drive the car."

Dad: "Drive the car, huh?"


Firstborn: " Also Appa, if I get a wife , where will YOU live?"


Dad driven to Nuts!

My Child & I

Family is on an overnight train journey.

Firstborn: "Appa! We go by bus to school, by car around town and by train to other cities. Can we take a flight trip to a far way place or say some other country? " 

Dad: : " Sure! But the aeroplane tickets are pricey right now. So, let's wait for a good deal on tickets, OK?"


Secondborn : "How about check our piggybank for money?"

Once back home, boys remember to count the piggybank money.


Firstborn : " Have about 6 thousand rupees? Is that enough, Appa?

Dad:  "About 10 thousand would be ideal for one person to go and come back"

Firstborn : " I saw a poster of a lost dog. Let's find him. And we will get a reward of Rs. 1000, which we can add to the piggybank money to buy tickets"

Secondborn : " OR...we could just go there and NOT come back?"

Train of Thought ~ Flight of Imagination!

My Child & I

Boys are on a play-date at a friend's place.

All's almost well until a fight starts. Mom separates the boys ; And the other parent tries to calm down her lil' girl, who's partner in crime .

Girl's Mom(controlled voice) : " Honey, Can you please play nice?"

Girl skips away leaving her in awe.

Firstborn : "Aunty, you actually look happy rather than angry, when scolding. You really need to work on your expression. My mom has actually perfected it! "

Secondborn (makes his eyes 3X their usual size): " This is my mom's angry face!"

Firstborn (in his loudest voice) : " And this is her angry voice!  (pause)  BOYS!!!! "

Girl's Mom : Amused 

Mom : Defused

My Child & I

Firstborn and Mom are discussing on how and why India has varied cultures.

Mom: " One reason being people speak different languages"

Firstborn: " So like,  I speak Tamil and V speaks Kannada"

Mom: " And people belong to different religions"

Firstborn: " They also pray at different places - Like Hindus go to Temple, Christians to Church..."

Mom:  "Where do Sikhs go?"

Secondborn: "To the Hospital!  And Amma you should say sick not sicks!!"

Kidictionary, anyone?! 

My Child & I

Family is returning from a wedding reception .

Dad: " It was a pleasant surprise to see some of Firstborn's friends and their families this evening"

Mom: " I know! It so happens that K's family is related to the groom and V's family to the bride's side".

(After a pause)

Firstborn: " So, does that make K and V cousins now?"

Mom: "Um... Kinda long distant cousins!"

Firstborn: " How many kilometers in distance?"

No Pause - Just Laughs!

My Child & I

Excited voices from the boys' room.

Firstborn: "Now you're 18, no 20!"

Secondborn: "Hey! you're only 36!"

Then they call out to Mom.


Firstborn: " Amma, let's find your age!"

While Mom's still guessing what's going to happen next - Secondborn shows her to the Weight Machine!

Weighty Issues!

2 cents for the boys:

Weight is directly proportional to one's age and woman hate to accept let alone talk about it!

My Child & I : Valentine's Day Special

Firstborn and Dad are playing Riddles/ Guess Who games.

Firstborn: " I have teeth, but I don't bite!"

Dad: " Comb!!"

Firstborn:  " I have hands but cannot touch"

Dad : "Fan!!"

Firstborn: " One more answer?"

Dad: " Clock!!"

Firstborn : "Good, Appa! Now you ask me!"

Dad: " I have legs, but cannot walk!"

(While Firstborn's grey cells are being put to work) Secondborn: " You have Leg Pain!!!"

Riddled and Tickled!!!

My Child & I: From a Friend

This was a coversation between my friend's hubby and their daughter on their way to school...

Tot: " Dada, who sang this song?"

Dad:'Guess who'...

Tot: "Who dada?"

Dad: "Its a band called 'Guess Who'..."

Tot: "Who sang this song, dada?"

Dad:  'Yes'...

Tot: "No dada, I asked who sang this song?"

Dad: " The name of the band is 'Yes' sweety... "

Tot: " Who sang this song, dada?"

Dad: 'Who'...

She stopped asking questions after this...:-)

Really- What are the odds that you'll hear songs from the bands GuessWho, Yes and Who consecutively on Classic Rock station!

My Child & I

The family is visiting friends for chai & chatting.

Hostess: "Tea for all adults; And maybe hot chocolate for the kids?"

Secondborn: "I'll have coffee!"

Hostess (playfully) : " I don't know how to make coffee"

Secondborn: "My Mom knows; She can teach you!"

Hostess: "But I don't want to learn"

Secondborn: "Then can you just buy it from the shop nearby? "

Hostess: " You can just please have tea!"

Tea for Tot!

My Child & I

Family is watching television together and a song & dance rain sequence appears.

Secondborn: " That boy & girl forgot to take umbrella ?"

Firstborn: " Actually, they look happy to be dancing in the rain "

Secondborn: "Only peacocks dance when it rains!"

Firstborn: "Shall we dance when it rains ?"

Secondborn: " OK- But remember to on the heater so the water is hot, ok?"

Showers of joy!

My Child & I

Mom, with the boys, is visiting her cousin who's expecting.

Secondborn: " Where are all the toys in this house?"

Mom: " The toys will come, once the baby comes"

Firstborn: " Where is the baby?"

Mom: " In Aunt's tummy!"

Secondborn (exclaims) : " Why did she eat the baby?"

Aunt breaks into fits of laughter- We did it again!

My Child & I : Pongal Special

Mom is giving directions to the chauffeur to reach a venue.

Mom: " Anna, straight-a ponga, paarunga signal kooda vizhunthuduchu" (Meaning: Go straight, note that the traffic-light has also changed)

Second-born: " What happened ? Signal vizhuthuduchaa? Paavam, did it get hurt?"

For the non-Tamilians: Vizhunthu translates To Fall and I'd colloquially used it in place of Change.

Correct Signal to fall in love yet again with my sweet lil' boy!

My Child & I

"You tired? Then go to sleep"

"Finished eating? Go wash your hand"

"Where is that book? Find it NOW!!!"

"Don't disturb me, I'm taking rest"

"Why making so much noise?"

" Come hold my hand in the park/beach/crossing road"

The above is a short compilation of Secondborn's recent quips.
Has me thinking who's actually the parent here.

Riotous Role Reversal!